A love that was…

This is my story. This was our story. 

I wrote this here so that someday, I will be reminded of a love that was… If you’re interested, please read on. If not, please come back some other time.

It was Earth Day, it was the first time we met. People say they notice your smile. But I noticed your eyes. The way you look at me – it was different. Later, I found out why. “Sino ba tong mayabang na to,” you thought to yourself, as you’ve told me after.It’s ok, you didn’t know it was my job to take charge.

We exchanged glances. We exchanged smiles. We were working, but we know it was love at first sight. But no one dared to say anything, or do anything. Until, someone told me you sing well. So I asked you to sing a song for me. And you did, and you chose this song…

Angels Brought Me Here by Guy Sebastian

And I fell in love with you more. And the way you sing it, as you look at me in the eyes, you said it all – I know you feel the same way I do. But I was afraid to say anything.

Then Ninoy came.

We have to look for a change for that damn 500 peso bill, we have to leave the group. As fate would have it, it wasn’t easy. And by the time we did manage to find a change, we’ve asked each other all the possible questions we could ask. We found out we were both free, and we’re both ready for love and to love.

Seven hours after we met, we said our I Love You’s! But it was so true, I was in heaven. The typical private person that I am, I myself was surprised when I told everyone about us. Everyone gave their smiles and congratulations, but they can never hide their shock and surprise.

The first few days and the first few weeks was so perfect. My only complaint was that, well, it was so perfect. We don’t fight, which I found weird.If only I knew then of our fight in the future. Oh well. After the first month, we started to argue, but nothing unusual. It was just a normal relationship.

Then we had out first “break up.” There were just too many lies and broken promises. So we have to go our separate ways.You passed your time with your friends and alcohol. I passed mine in tears. I thought you moved on fast (this should have been a warning to me), so I sent you this song…

I’ll never get over you getting over me

But then you told me I’m wrong. You want me back. And I said yes (stupid me again), but we have to make our “confessions.” That lead to your shocking revelation.

Our biggest test happened when, in the middle of what I thought was a typical cool off period, you met someone. And in a moment of weakness, you did something that broke my heart. But I love you, surely, I can get over that. And with your help, I did! I hope you remember that line from “One More Chance.”

“She had me at my worst, but she loved me. You had me at my best, but you chose to break my heart!”

After that, it was a typical relationship again. Petty quarrels, kiss and make up, etc. But those petty quarrels added up. And we got tired, so for the last time we mutually decided to end it. You said I was too strict, am I correct? There were so many restrictions; no night out drinking with your friends, no smoking, no skipping class, pass your papers on time, etc. And stop flirting on Friendster. But you just can’t help it when cute boys send you mesagges or view your profile. So I sang to you this song…

Let Me Be The One by Jimmy Bondoc

So there, we’re off again. We’ve been together for 1 year and 4 months. But soon after, you wanted me back “without commitment.” What the hell? If you can’t commit to me, then you can’t have me. Do you remember when I sent you this song?

If the Feeling is Gone by Kyla

A few weeks passed.

Then you told me, “I’d rather be not free than not have you with me.” I wanted to believe you, but I just can’t take the pain again, if ever. So I said, let’s give it time. And I thought we were giving it time.

We last saw each other September 15. On October 5, you told me you have someone new.

My world crashed. I will move on, eventually. And no, I will not have you back. But I will keep my promise, even if we’re not together. When I’m 60 and you’re 55 and alone, I will look for you and tell you what I promised to tell you everyday.

“I love you and always will, everyday of my life.”

If only you stayed me with.

I have to end it here. If you want to know what happened after, read my previous 3 posts. I’m no saint, I have my share of shortcomings, but then again, this post is not about that.

I am not Superman

I do have feelings. I do feel the pain. Why are you doing this to me?

You asked for space, I gave you the freedom to explore and know yourself. And you found someone new in two weeks time.

I’m trying to move on, without you, hopefully. But you insists on us being friends. And as if that wasn’t painful enough, I am now “friends” with your new boy friend (strange as it may sound, I don’t understand why am I in such position as I am now.)

And the worst part, every time you have your LQ, I would mediate for the two of you. Imploring you to take his call, or him answering your text. Stupid me, last time I checked, I wasn’t as stupid. I don’t know what happened between then and now that I’ve changed so much, and sadly for the worst. Maybe it is because of the last night we spent together? Oh, I remember that night so well. Was it a sad goodbye? That part, I couldn’t remember.

Tonight, I finally had the courage to tell you that I am still in pain. And I told him too, your new boy friend. I am tired. This stupidity must come to an end. I spent more call and text loads fixing your (you and your new boy friend) relationship than that I spent fixing ours.

I’m not sure if you both understand my pain, but I doubt it. You are both preoccupied with the troubles of your new relationship. So, I am writing this blog, to let you know – just in case you remember to check out this blog – IT IS OVER.

Good luck and good bye. Let me live my freedom.